A la deriva
Please write comments on my essay here.
Comentarios
Hi Alyssa
Great job on your essay i only have a few comments:
- In the first paragraph you have the phrases "el trata de ir..." and "el tiene much esperanza" in both cases you need to put an accent on the "e"
- In the first paragraph you have a sentence "no mira buena" I think it would probably be better if you said no aparence buena instead. Same thing for a similar phrase in the last paragraph.
Overall great job!
Hi Alyssa
-"Después de tuvo": tener should not be conjugated, it comes after a preposition.
-"el se siente": accent over the el, "él"
-"La situación no mira buena ": mirar means to look at, I think you mean "the situaction SEEMS" which is parecer.
-"para un equipo necesitara": you used the subjective, so I'm guessing para should be "para que" not sure if that's 100% necessary though.
-"que miraron mal": like I said before, parecer
Jason
paragraph 1:
- only A needs to be capitalized in A la deriva
- instead of "Después de tuvo", the verb should not be conjugated after a preposition
- when talking about the subject of a verb, the e in el needs to have an accent on it
- instead of saying "no mira buena", the verb parecer would be better to use, since I think you were trying to say that the siutation didn't seem a certain way, but did a direct english to spanish translation with the verb mirar
paragraph 2:
- in regards to what Jason said about "para un equipo necesitara", it would definitely have to be para que since the subjunctive was used, otherwise the sentence should be reconstructed
- nice job relating it back to your own life
paragraph 3:
- again, instead of miraron, parecer would be a better verb choice based on what you are seemingly trying to get across to the reader
Hey Alyssa,
-in the first sentence, if you want to say "A la deriva is about a man..." you would say "El cuento A La Deriva se trata de un hombre..." (tratarse de = to be about)
-to say 'after getting the bite/being bitten' instead of saying 'despues de tuvo la mordida' you could say something like 'despues de estar mordida'
-like cara said, parecer makes more sense than 'no mira buena'
-Instead of 'en el fin' you could write 'al fin (del cuento)'...it's more grammatically correct.
-"El partido iba más tiempo" is a little awkward...i'm not sure how to re-word that but it doesn't really fit
-Great connection to your life!
Hey Alyssa,
- for the el's in "el se siente" and "el trata", the e should have an accent
-instead of saying "trata de ir a ayuda" you might want to say something like "trata de buscar por ayuda"
-like Cara and Jason said, tuvo should not be conjugated after the preposition "Despues de"
-you forgot the period after the last sentence of the third paragraph :)
-I like how you related the story to a real life scenario because it supports your theme and helps the reader to understand the story alot better.
